Introduction: Raw, real, exposed...

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Welcome to a place I hope you find to be honest, open, genuine and where you stop feeling alone. Let me introduce myself. My name is Monica Carruth, I reside in a small community in Colorado. At the time I began writing this blog I was a single parent of an 18 year-old son who is big, strong, handsome and my world. I had dual professions in non-profit fund development and real estate. I spent the first several years of my life being raised on a farm, a pig farm to be precise. I loved being outside, I loved animals, I loved picking crops from the fields, I loved riding horses, I loved shooting guns and I loved my daddy. More about me, later.

During the past several months, God has seemed to be placing signs in front of me, telling me that I am being called to help others. I decided if sharing my story and experiences could help one person, it would be worth any difficulties I encounter. My journey has taken me through many phases, and only now do I feel empowered to push through the emotions.

As I entered 2020, a year that should be one of the best years of my life, I know it’s time. I have many goals and dreams to accomplish and in order to move forward, I needed to get emotionally healthy so I could be a great wife, mom, friend, daughter, professional and woman. I needed to let go of the pain that has held me back.

Several months ago I attended a speaking engagement that planted a seed of encouragement and gave me the extra nudge I needed. The speaker, an author, shared her story about her struggle with perfection. She shared several ideas that I could relate to, but as I went home and began to read her book. Within the first paragraph of her introduction, her words hooked me… “Do I stop because it’s impossible, or do I start because I believe this book will make a difference in your life?”

As I read those words, I knew it was just the message I needed to hear to push me to begin writing, and more importantly, to begin sharing.

I needed to share my story because I may help someone.

I needed to stop procrastinating, to stop making excuses for why I wasn’t writing.

I needed to push away fear of judgement, I needed to push away the fear that my writing wasn’t perfect, my life wasn’t perfect.

The previous year led me to gain a level of strength and clarity that I needed.

When I say it has taken me years to pull the trigger, I am not exaggerating. My struggles and hurt are great and I carry them with me day in and day out. If you are reading this then I am guessing you have your own pain, your own struggles, your own hurts…

Thank you for indulging me, thank you for taking time to learn my story. I hope something I share touches you, or gives you some sort of comfort in knowing you aren’t alone.

I am sharing my story from the perspective of a family member affected by another’s addiction, but what about the person who is the addict? I will also address this in a future post. These first entries are just the beginning of what I have to share so please come back to engage, learn, share and maybe even learn to heal.

#alcoholic, #homeless, #incarcerated, #alcoholism, #addiction